E-assignment 2 - Dialogues

I had so much fun creating these dialogues. I hope you will enjoy reading them. I look forward to any and all comments. /Nina

1) Two office workers who know but dislike each other are trapped in a lift/an elevator with a sales representative who they've never met before but who they're both immediately attracted to. Help is on its way.

Office worker 1: (to sales rep) Hi there! I don’t think we have met before. My name is...
Office worker 2: (interrupts) You really think she will care what your name is?
OW1: (annoyed) Was I talking to you? Do I look like I want to talk to you?
Sales rep: Guys... I am...
OW2: I am so grateful you’re not talking to me! My brain is too valuable to be contaminated by people like you.
OW1: People like me? At least I don’t work at the mail department!
OW2: What’s wrong with the mail department? It’s honest work it is! Be careful what you say, remember I can make your mail take the scenic route through Hwongazulu for an entire month!
OW1: Ha! You ought to remember who’s handling your paycheck!
OW2: Like working as a salary administrator is such an accomplishment!
OW1: It sure beats the mail department by three floors!
OW2: If you bothered to actually do some math you’d see that I make more money than you.
OW1: And what do you spend them on? A fancy European car! You can’t even be bothered to buy an American car, can you? Un-American is what you are!
OW2: (happy that the subject of cars came up) Hey! Leave my Mercedes out of this.
OW2 to sales rep: Did I tell you I have a Mercedes? A very reliable German car...
OW1: A car that will pollute the environment! I drive a Ford Flexifuel. Etanol is the future!
OW2: Didn’t you know? Scientists now say that etanol will pollute the environment more than gasoline.
OW1 (defeated in the car department tries a new angle): So... I haven’t seen you in the gym lately. Getting lazy are we? (pokes OW2 in the gut). I benchpress 225 lbs, how much do you?
OW2: (slightly jealous of that amount tries a new tactic) I haven’t had time to go to the gym since I have been renovating my house and brushed up my Shakespeare in the evenings.
OW1: Shakespeare eh? Well, I read him ages ago. I moved on to heavier works.
OW2: And what could that possibly be? The TV-guide?
OW1: Machiavelli, Homer...

The elevator starts to move again. Sales rep sighs a breath of relief when her phone rings.

- Hi honey! I’m fine. I’ve been stuck in an elevator for 45 minutes with Superman and Spiderman. Could you pick up the Batmobile from the garage and get Batboy from day care while I meet Batgirl? I promised her a girls’ night out, you know, shopping, dinner and a movie. I suspect we’ll catch a chick flick of some sort. (sales rep glances at the now defeated office workers and decides to gloat a little) Oh and honey? Remember our date later... when the kids are asleep. You and me in the batcave...


2) Scenario: At the North Pole in Santa’s house. Santa wants to revise the travel plans for Christmas with head-reindeer Rudolph. Mrs Claus knows that Rudolph is on a hot date with lady reindeer, Vixen, and wishes that Santa does not know about it yet.

Santa: (somewhat annoyed) Where is Rudolph? He’s late for our meeting.
Mrs Claus: (evasive) I... I don’t know dear. Would you look at that! Your nice red coat is all wrinkly. I will have to iron it.
Santa: He knows the meeting was tonight. We need to finalize the plans for Christmas. I have figured out a new route! Maybe I should give him a call.Where did I put my glasses? I can never see the numbers on these tiny new cell phones. Soon I will need a magnifying glass just to make a simple phone call!
Mrs Claus: (stalling)They probably are right where you left them dear. Have you seen your good boots?
Santa: (confused by change of subject) What about them?
Mrs Claus: Well, have you polished them? Are they ready for Christmas? I will not have you running all over the world in dirty boots! What will people think of us?!
Santa: I don’t think anyone notices my boots dear. All they’re interested in are presents.
Mrs Claus: I care!
Santa: (even more confused) Why do you care about my boots?
Mrs Claus: (exasperated by hubby’s ignorance of fashion statements) Because all the elves’ wifes will laugh at me if I let you go out in dirty boots. Now go polish them.
Santa: (losing patience) I do not have time for this! I have a meeting with Rudolph. Where is he?! Do you think anything has happened to him?
Mrs Claus: (still stalling Santa) Drats! Now I burned my finger on the iron. Could you get me some ice?
Santa: (fetching ice) Are you avoiding my question?
Mrs Claus: (desperatly improvising) Um... well... your belt!! Where is it? I know it was a tad short last year, have you gotten a new one yet?
Santa: You do know where Rudolph is!

(Rudolph tumbles through the door, leaving snowy hoofprints all over Mrs Claus squeaky clean wooden floor.)

Santa: (relieved) Ah Rudolph! There you are! Welcome! Have you thought about the new plans?
Mrs Claus: (trying to save the situation) But let the poor reindeer take a breath and sit down before you pelt him with questions dear. It is so good to see you Rudolph. Is everything allright? Your nose is rather... bright tonight. Would you like something to drink?
Rudolph: (out of breath like he has been running) I am so sorry I am late Santa. It was not my intention. And yes, I really would like something to drink Mrs Claus.
Santa: So what kept you? Emergency?
Rudolph: (not knowing what to tell Santa) Would you look at the mess I dragged in! Please, Mrs Claus, let me help you clean it up.
Mrs Claus: You’re such a nice reindeer Rudolph! I’ll get you a mop.

(Mrs Claus leaves room to get a mop to clean up the now melted snow)

Santa: (notices for the first time) Is that tinsel I see in you antlers?
Rudolph: (squirming) Um...Santa? There is something I have to tell you... I know it is bad timing and all but Vixen and me... we’re... um... friends.
Santa: Friends?
Rudolph: Well, yes. More than friends really. We’ve been seeing each other in secret for a couple of months now. Hence the tinsel. We were on a date.
Santa: (amused) Really?
Rudolph: (anxious) This will of course not affect our work schedule. I will lead and light the way and Vixen will be paired with Prancer as usual.
Santa: (rubs his hands with glee) This was joyous knews indeed! I knew there was something fishy going on. I thought you might be in trouble or something. You’re never late for a meeting and Mrs Claus even burned her finger on the iron! Probably on purpose at that. She never burns her finger. She knew, didn’t she? And of course this will not affect our schedule. Dancer and Prancer manage to work well together don’t they?
Rudolph: (relieved at Santa’s blessing) Yes, I came to her for advice what to do about my feelings for Vixen. Mrs Claus is very good at this.
Santa: (beaming with pride) I know, she’s been playing matchmaker for the elves for several centuries now and the divorce rate is almost non-existent.
Rudolph: (suddenly apprehensive) Eh... right...
Santa: (mockingly stern)You are planning on making an honest reindeer of Vixen right?
Rudolph: Um...
Santa: (excited) I will perform the ceremony myself and give a speech!
Rudolph: (getting a bad feeling) About the plans for Christmas...
Santa: (getting more excited about the prospect of a Christmas wedding) Ah the plans, well we have new, more important plans to make now! We’ll take the same route as last year, it worked didn’t it? Now, would you like to have the reception here or in the great hall?


3) Scenario: For me to know and you to guess. :)

Abby: Hey let’s go in here! They have these new cool jeans I saw on tv. You know, the ones Britney is wearing.
Jenny: Cool! I want those!
Caitlyn: Like you’re ever going to look like Britney.
Jenny: Like yuck! Who would want to look like her? She is so out.
Abby: At least she gets headlines. And those jeans are hot.
Caitlyn: (giggles) Speaking of hot... look who’s over there...
Abby: Quick! In here!
Jenny: Ouch! You hurt my arm!
Abby: It’s Alex! He can’t see us here! I look like a mess.
Caitlin: Nah, you look good.
Jenny: Yeah. Go talk to him.
Abby: (giggles) I can’t do that!
Caitlyn: Why not? Sooner or later you need to talk to him you know.
Abby: But I want him to hit on me. You know, take the initiative. I want to know if he likes me.
Jenny: All you gotta do is ask.
Caitlyn: Hey! Take a look at this!
Jenny: You can’t go in something like that! You’ll look like a nun.
Caitlyn: Hmm maybe you’re right. I need something with a tad higher slut-factor.
Jenny: (applies lip gloss) Not too much though. You don’t want Mark to think you’re easy.
Caitlyn: (looks around) Where did Abby disappear to?
Abby: Still here. That b**ch Michelle talked to Alex.
Jenny: Oh no!
Abby: (shows picture she took with cell phone camera of Michelle and Alex talking)
I’m gonna rip her ogling eyes out! Look here!
Caitlyn: Oh my god! What is she wearing?!
Jenny: You gotta be kidding me! Wearing something like that? She looks like she came straight from the funny farm!
Abby: I know! And still she managed to talk to him! What am I doing wrong?
Caitlyn: (arches eyebrow) Hiding maybe?
Abby: (wails) I am not pretty enough! And he is attracted to ugly girls! I have no reason to live anymore. (crumbles onto floor sobbing)
Jenny: Hey, come on. There’s gotta be something in here you can impress him with on Sat. Let’s go find the perfect outfit for you.
Caitlyn: Yeah, let’s go wear that VISA-card out!
Jenny: Speaking of VISA-cards... In home economics Mrs Baker said we needed to make a budget for a month. (rolls eyes)
Caitlyn: Yeah right... Like that would ever happen.
Jenny: Teachers are so lame. Except for Mr Hackberry. He’s nice. And cute.
Abby: You got the hots for the math teacher? He’s like a gazillion years old!
Jenny: Nah only like 30 or so.
Caitlyn: That’s gross!
Jenny: (blushes) I just think he’s cute! That’s all!
Abby: What about Sean then? He’s been ogling you for like a month now! You think he’s coming to the party on Saturday? Oh look! I found the perfect dress!
Caitlyn: That is so cool! I want one of those!
Abby: I saw it first! You can’t wear the same outfit as me! That’s so kindergarten!
Jenny: How about you flip a coin for it? Or get different colors?
Abby + Caitlin in unison: Deal!
Caitlyn: All we have to do now is find something for Jenny to wear. Oh and shoes of course. Can't get a dress without matching shoes.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yay! It is my birthday! Or rather, it was, it ended half an hour ago. Well, some parts of the world still have hours left on the day so I'll just keep celebrating until I fall soundly asleep. :)

I had such a nice day today. I woke up, went to store to pick up puréed carrots in the baby food isle. No, I do not have a baby. Yet. I do however have a recipe for carrot cake that requires puréed carrots so I had to get some baby food. I did not know that the baby food jars are so small. I had to buy two of them. Good thing they're not that expensive. At least not to me since I do not buy them every day. I guess that parents to small children might think they are a tad heavily priced.

Anyway, I made carrot cake. It was good. I will save that recipe for another day. Did you know that if you don't eat something for a long time it will taste that much better when you know you're getting a limited amount of it? It's true! Imagine you're eating chocolate every day. After a couple of days it is not as good as it was the first day, but if you're restricting your intake of chocolate the amount you do eat will taste better than if you ate it every day with not limitations. Oh and I know, lots of fancy words there. Sorry. It was scientist-Nina who came out to play with vocabulary. :)

I got seriously cool stuff from Mom. Five books, an iron pot to make casseroles in and some way cool craft stuff. A corner punch and a border punch. Now I can make fancy corners and borders on my cards. Yay! Now, if watching too much tv makes your eyes square, what does too much reading do to them?

So if anyone needs me I will be in one of my new books with a "do not disturb"-toe tag. :)

Pizza for dinner and more carrot cake for dessert. I think I used up all the WW-points I have for an entire month. Ah well, I only have b-day once a year. I'll make it up to body next week. Lots of spinach and broccoli. Broccoli is a very nice veggie. I like it and it is very healthy. Lots of vitamins and anti-oxidants and whatnots that are good for body. I do like spinach also. It makes me strong like Popeye. I read it somewhere. It is scientifically proved that it will increase the... uh...something in the muscles making body stronger. Not certain what amount it will take to make body stronger though so it is best to eat lots of spinach.

Ah back to writing short story and reading all my books. Does excessive reading count as a valid excuse for not having a first draft finished on Thursday? :)

Ta ta for now!

Nina

Stupidity of the Week

My friends, you all know how I feel about stupidity of any kind. It has to be fought high and low and in any way possible.

This week it was a particular stupidity that stood out from the crowd of ordinary stupidities I come across every day. It was a woman (or so I think considering it was in a women's magazine and the letter was signed "hostess") who figured that "it is impossible to invite someone for something to eat now when I have to consider allergies and other dietary preferences (vegans, weightwatchers, vegetarians and so on)". And lo and behold, her guests had the audacity to tell her what they did or did not prefer to eat. The horror!! Idiotic, intolerant idiocy! That is what it is.

What's wrong with you woman!? Of course they need to tell you!! People can die from eating the wrong food stupid! I know! I have been there! I do know how it feels like to not be able to draw a proper breath. Apparently this woman hasn't. Sigh. I am truly grateful that I never had a dinner invitation from this woman. It will be very empty around her table if she kills off all her guests...

I can not speak for vegans, vegetarians or people with dietary preferences out of religious beliefs, but I can tell you as a weightwatcher that when I dine with friends, at their homes, I am not that picky. I am blessed with friends who think my welfare is important hand have the good manners to ask me if there is something I can't eat or something that I simply want to avoid at this time. Most are curious about the program and want to learn more. I am not on a strict diet of any sort, I am weightwatching and eating healthy is not going to kill anyone.

Come to think of it, isn't that the very purpose of inviting friends over for dinner? To make guests feel welcome and taken care of so that everyone has a good time? Besides, it isn't that hard to cook for a weightwatcher or a muslim or a vegan. It just requires a bit of thinking. Perhaps that is the problem for this woman, lack of brains. Of all the stupid things I have heard and read this week, this was the worst.

I am getting off that soapbox now before I rant and rave myself to a stroke.

Ta ta for now!

Nina

Poem

I do not aspire to be a poet or anything but I had been writing a whole day so I wasn't surprised when inspiration hit me. Now I will inflict my most recent collection of words upon you my friends.

Grammar

The strong verbs dash headlong into sentences
The weak verbs hobble along
propped up by the adverbs
The colourful adjectives display their superlatives
like peacocks prance around showing off their feathers.
The reliable nouns keep everything in order.
The prepositions know where everyone is
The conjunctions mediate between arrogant main clauses
and submissive dependent clauses.
They all work together
as a team
to tell my story


That's all for now!

Nina

1st Assignment Creative Writing

“How do you fit in a full-grown race horse into a normal-sized car?”

All 153 students woke up to listen to my reply. A needle dropped on the floor would generate a magnificient boom. Being a professor in physics isn’t easy when questions like this arise. Every semester there is a student living in the delusion that he is the next Jerry Seinfeld. Everyone expected a lecture on time-space warps and other dimensions. Ah well... here we go.

“Well, fitting a full-grown race horse into a normal-sized car is not as a gargantuan task as it might appear at first glance. There are a couple of things to consider before you try to stuff the poor animal into your vehicle.

“First and foremost you have to make sure that the horse in question is a fully emancipated horse, or that the horse has a completely filled out form of consent from its owner. This is crucial if you do not wish to be apprehended by the police for theft.

“Before you seat the beast into your car it is necessary to check that the elephants in the back seat use the seat belts. Seat belts are mandatory and will protect you and the horse if the elephants would panic due to a mouse on the run from the sooty boa constrictor, currently wrapped around the exhaust pipe.

“Now, if you have successfully seated the horse in the car and checked everyones seat belt you’re almost ready to go. The last thing you have to check is the giraffe in the trunk. The usually mellow giraffes tend to become cranky if they get a crick in the neck from lack of stretching space. The best way to accomodate a giraffe in the trunk is to saw a hole through the lid of the trunk for it to stick its head up. This will make your car look somewhat similar to a submarine with a giraffe’s neck and head for a periscope. It looks ridiculous, but it will save you from cranky giraffes which makes it worth the damage to your car.

“Did that answer your question?”

I smiled at the gaping students. Another semester, another bunch of students thinking that the professor had lost her mind. Maybe they were right.

After the lecture I gathered up my notes as the janitor, who had heard the joke many times, swept the floor. I realized that there was only one sane person in this room and it wasn’t me.

Reading Romance

An interesting thing happened a couple of weeks ago. The student office had spring cleaning I guess and gave away books for free. Now, anyone who knows me can guess my reaction. It was like Yay!! Gimme!!!

Most of the books and other texts that were given away were textbooks and university booklets and essays and such, but some were romance novels. I was fascinated. What can romance novels possibly have been doing at a university? Then it hit me. Maybe romance novels aren't as put down as I think they are. Or someone put private books on that table as well as uni property. They were old novels. I swiped four of them.

Yes, I like to read romance novels. I am very aware that they do not in any way reflect the real world. But then again, I like to read fantasy novels and sci-fi also. They don't reflect the real world either. They are however not as frowned upon as romance novels. I wonder why.

I know a couple of authors of romance novels. They are highly educated, skilled women who works hard to write their novels. It is not easy to write a romance novel. Everyone who thinks so is very welcome to try. Besides being hard to write, they are even harder to sell. As any manuscript is since there are so many trying. Only a few do it well.

The sad thing is that the romance novels lose quite a lot in translation. They're better in English. Too bad they're not available here. Very good thing to have American friends sending books and stuff once in a while.

Anyway, as I was saying, romance novels are just as good as any other genre. Just because they aren't sold in any bookstores doesn't mean they're not litterature. And just because they're not hardcover doesn't mean they're not books.

I am not going to apologize for reading romance novels, nor will I apologize for reading fantasy or sci-fi. I will not apologize for reading Shakespeare, Doyle or Foucault. That is for certain. I read whatever I want. I am a highly educated woman. I am neither stupid or uneducated. I still will read romance novels. Mainly because I like them. Just like in fantasy and sci-fi. It's a matter of taste, not class.

In the words of friend Heather: With reading decreasing more and more one should applaud every effort to read there is.

Just my two Euros...

Ta ta for now!

Nina

Summer holidays

Yay! The summer holidays have started! I've had final exam and the last corrections made to last essay handed in yesterday. Today it was warm and sunny so I decided to take the day off and engage in some of my favourite activities.

I have only two weeks of summer holidays so I'd better enjoy every minute of them. I sat in front of tv and watched some of my favourite daytime tv-shows like Rachael Ray, Oprah, Dr Phil and Ellen. Yes, I do like them and I admit I do watch them. Not every day. I don't have time to sit down every day to watch tv all day long, but sometimes I just let the tv run all day long. And please don't bother me with that old "you need to be outside when it's sunny"-garbage. No I do NOT need to be outside, in fact, I could stay indoors all summer long if it suits me. I'll go outside when it pleases me.

I was good today though. Read a bit in new course book. I did tell you I'm taking a class in the summertime too right? That's why my summer holidays are just two weeks. Next class starts in mid-June. So I started to read Edith Wharton's "The Age of Innocense". So far it is a very good novel. And cheap. Lord knows all books bought for uni studies are outrageously expensive but this one wasn't. I was thrilled! I love books! I would love to live in a library! Don't get me started on that subject...

Anyway, so far I like the novel. The language itself is enough to keep me reading. You know me, grammar geek no 1. It's almost poetry. Very fitting for the setting of the novel. It was just like "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon that we read in another class. The language itself is such a crucial part of the story. I guess most people doesn't realize this. I know I didn't pay any attention to this before taking my classes in English. Now I will pay more attention to it when writing my own. I've talked to a lot of talented authors and a lot of people in the writing community and the single most important piece of advice they give is to find my own voice and style of writing. However, the voice of the author cannot override the voice of the story. It would be seriouly strange if one of, let's say, Jane Austen's characters would suddenly say "yo dude!" right? Or if a rap star suddenly thee-d and thou-d everyone.

So that is what I learned today. And what the word "accrued" means. Thanks Pet!

I did realize something too. I'm very fond of the word "however" suddenly. Please don't be annoyed with me. It's just a phase.

Ta ta for now!

Nina